Virginity For Sale!

So, did you all hear about the 22-year-old woman who is putting her virginity up for auction (current high bid $3.8 million)? She blogs the reasoning here. This is the core of her argument:

"Like most little girls, I was raised to believe that virginity is a sacred gift a woman should reserve for just the right man. But college taught me that this concept is just a tool to keep the status quo intact. Deflowering is historically oppressive—early European marriages began with a dowry, in which a father would sell his virginal daughter to the man whose family could offer the most agricultural wealth. Dads were basically their daughters’ pimps.

When I learned this, it became apparent to me that idealized virginity is just a tool to keep women in their place. But then I realized something else: if virginity is considered that valuable, what’s to stop me from benefiting from that? It is mine, after all. And the value of my chastity is one level on which men cannot compete with me. I decided to flip the equation, and turn my virginity into something that allows me to gain power and opportunity from men. I took the ancient notion that a woman’s virginity is priceless and used it as a vehicle for capitalism."

Susannah Breslin's response on Slate's XX Factor blog made me chuckle, but maybe seemed a little harsh:

"How ... feminist? How ... empowering? Whoever invented women's studies must be gnawing at her wrists at this very minute. "Are you rolling your eyes?" Dylan wonders. Why, yes, I am, Miss Dylan! "But I'm not saying every forward-thinking person has to agree with what I’m doing," she continues. Thank God. "You should develop your own personal belief system—that’s exactly my point!" Ah, the wisdom of the young. She concludes: "These days, more and more women my age are profiting directly from their sex appeal, but I’m not sure other women should follow my lead." That would make two of us.

Until today, this sexual spectacle's onlookers have been attempting to discern where Dylan is coming from, personally and politically, but her essay makes it more than clear that her pseudo-feminist blathering is little more than a misguided attempt to conceal her mind-boggling idiocy. Suffice to say, I won't be bidding on her."

I'm still working through how I feel about this whole issue, although my first instinct is to question whether this is really the most powerful and effective tool this young feminist could use to empower herself and her community. I could really give a shit what this woman does with her hymen, but touting this as a subversive feminist act is problematic for me. I mean, Queen Elizabeth had to use her virginity in the 16th century because she didn't have a lot of other options, but in this post-"sexual revolution" age, don't we have some more effective weapons in our arsenal? Wouldn't this woman's time and energy be better spent helping tween girls along a path towards empowered, self-confident sexuality? Or being an ally to rape victims or abused kids who will never get to make the choice about their first sexual encounter? Or writing a zine or a book?

Oh, yeah, those wouldn't pay $3.8 million dollars...

Anti-Abortion Feminists?

There is a pretty interesting discussion going on over at the Feminist Anti-Oppression Forum on LiveJournal. Jennifer Baumgardner, who co-authored Manifesta, has just written a book exploring being feminist and anti-abortion. I think she does make some good points, but I really don't think you can make enforcements on women's bodies and still be called a feminist. But then again, feminism means a lot of different things to different people. I really like what one person, ciaraxyerra, had to say. What do you y'all think?

Same Old Hetero/Sexist, White Supremacist Homophobic Story

Seriously. Seriously? Will someone please give me a break. No, this is not an ad from 1967. It's from 2008.

Last week at my internship, where we provide therapy for families and child survivors of domestic violence, we were discussing how gendered behavior expectations cause violence and alienation in the lives of both men and women. Specifically, we were having a conversation about progressive batterer's intervention programs that include psycho-educational therapy to unlearn the gender training that contributes to abusive behavior. Batterer's intervention programs are mainly targeted at men, who as a group statistically batter more often than others, though it's important to note that people of all genders are capable of engaging in interpersonal violence. These programs have developed the perspective that men who abuse don't actually feel powerful and in control when they act out violently -- though the effect is one of power and control over their loved

ones. Service providers who work with these men say that many times they feel insecure, out of control, afraid, alone, alienated and sad before they resort to expressing themselves through violence. Because traditional masculinity does not leave space for men to communicate feelings of vulnerability without emasculating them, some men lash out with violence -- which is a culturally acceptable way to exhibit "male" centered feelings. Obviously most men do not hurt the people they love, and many other factors contribute to domestic violence, but the rules of gender are certainly a huge factor in the perpetuation of the problem. Traditional masculinity hurts everyone -- which is why feminism really is for everybody.

Anyway, during this discussion, a co-worker pulled out this ad as an example of the cultural discourse on sexism. Now, I'm no Naive Nancy. I'm pretty attuned (and even enamored) with pop culture, and I know in my heart of hearts that sexism is still alive and wearing one of those "co-ed naked volleyball" t-shirts. Kidding! I know that sexism can't simply be outed by frat boy stylings -- it's insidious and we all participate in it. I just wanted to bring those shirts up. My point, however, is that I was pretty floored by this ad, and did some research to find out that Canadian Club has been working pretty hard to come up with a brand that is out and out sexist, homophobic, and white supremacist. Hey! I like whiskey, too!

I felt particularly saddened to learn about this ad campaign in the context of the agency where I work. We save piles and piles of old magazines so that we can cut out words and images to use in art therapy activities with survivors of childhood trauma. We amass boxes of pre-cut themed images (feel free to cut stuff out for us from your old mags while you're watching

TV or listening to the radio) so that kids can choose the images they are drawn to without having to be confronted with CULTURALLY SANCTIONED SEXUALIZED VIOLENCE during a therapy session. Anyway, if you know me at all, you won't be shocked to know that I teared up a little bit in that meeting. In my mind, this ad is just another spot holder on the spectrum of violence that hurts people. Real people; children.

Here's what this ad says to me about masculinity:

• the most virile men are white, middle to upper class, with heavy handed living room sets
• men conquer women's bodies with complete power and in doing so become more virile
• buying and consuming alcohol is a symbol of power for white men
• there are certain cocktails that make men seem like pansies (and therefore more like the women they acquire, drinks in hand)- Canadian Club whiskey on the rocks is not one of them
• the legacy that fathers are most interested in passing on to their sons is one of aggressive sexism, with no real love, tenderness, connection or range of human emotional experience
• the legacy that fathers are most interested in passing on to their daughters is one aggressive sexism, with no real love, tenderness, connection, or range of human emotional experience.
• men are not interested in cocks (except when they're obsessed with their own getting hummed on by a passive & beautiful barbie)

Here's what this ad says to me about femininity:

• white women are disposable, meaningless, and in possession of zero humanity/complexity -- women of color just don't exist
• women are not agents of their own will
• women are either virgins or whores
• women are not in charge of their sexuality
• women exist as passive pleasers of men
• women are stupid and easily duped
• women are definitely not in to eating pussy

Sometimes it's really hard to do this work when everything can seem so overwhelming and impossible, like fighting a huge battle against this really powerful entity, and there are only a fraction of us even paying attention. These messages are powerful. They directly impact children who are hurting as a result, and my heart breaks a little when I really go for it in my over-active mind. BUT! Look at the parody of the Canadian Club ad above! I have hope again! It's still possible to laugh and be funny and make friends and be gay and care about racism and ending violence and sexism and even to have fun while we're doing it! Whew. Also, um, this parody ad is kinda hot. Yowza!

Check out the links for more about the grossness of the Canadian Club ad campaign - a lot of Canadians are piz-issed!